Pages and Pens

Here’s some improve writing. . . sort of just letting my fingers go for it.

[Forget Me Not]
Somewhere inside me someone is screaming.
Forget what I said, forget what I was!
Running scared and alone, running and running.
Dark and dreary, doomed and drunk.
Hurry to find a way out, any way out.
The world is closing in, crashing down.
No one should see the dark corners of my mind!
Forget what I said! Forget who I was!
Keep running, faster and faster.
Grotesque shadows threatening to overtake.
Figures looming and lunging.
Screaming and screaming, without a sound.
Forget! Forget me now! Please forget me.
The darkness fills ever faster.
Forget!

[Letters to Nobody]
Dear God,
I want to scream. My life is great and you are glorious, yet somewhere in my mind something tells me to run. I cannot quite figure out what it is. Perhaps it is only a figment of my imagination. Perhaps it is only the whispers of left over thoughts from days before. Whether it be me, or it be a devil in disguise, God help me. I only want to be sane and happy. I only want what I’ve got. So please, please, keep holding my hand. I know you’ll never let go, but those whispers may not. So tell them for me, so I may keep my sanity.
You’ve taken my heart and sealed it up, now may I ask the same of my mind?
Sincerely,
Yours

Dear Sarah,
Whether now is today or tomorrow I have to say something. I want to apologize. I want to thank you. I want to yell. I want you to know I love you. You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had. I have been less. I have taken for granted what God gave me. I took advantage of your generosity. I have apologized so many times before but never for what I truly meant. I apologize for pretending to be sad so that you will give me your attention. You make me happy is all. I thank you for that. I believe that God crossed our paths because of something bigger than just good friends. You helped me fix my life. You translated for me when God was speaking and I could not hear. So thank you. I sometimes wish you would have never known the truth about me. Sometimes I wish you never knew what happened. Sometimes I wish you would not have met me then, but instead met me now. But if all that were to be true, then I would not be me and you would not be you. So I thank you for smiles and laughter and being there to comfort me when I was numb to all else. I thank God for you too. I hope that you keep strong. You are certainly the strongest girl I have met. Thanks again, girl. Please don’t forget me really.
Much love,
Aara

Dear family,
Oh where do I start with you? I know not what words to say. I know only that my heart aches for you. I wish you knew the beauty, glory, hope, and love I know now. I wish you would turn from the nothings of the world. Sometimes I want to scream at you. Then I want to run away from you. I may not be able to convince you of the truths of my faith quite yet, but I will not let that stop me from being in your lives. Whether you want it or not. I am part of the family. So take care.
Love and miss you,
Your daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, second cousin, granddaughter, niece, sister-in-law

Dear Heart,
Your beat is one I can dance to. I thank you for keeping the beat, even when broken. Keep going, it’s going to be worth it.

Dear Mind,
Although you make no sense at all, throwing and mixing up all my thoughts, I thank you for being so strange. I have no idea how you work at all, but somehow you hold my thoughts big and small. I only ask that you clean up! I get lost inside the dark corners and through the twists and turns. So help me to understand.

Like I said. Improv. Just writing.
I do have an idea for a book though. It would be sort of like an autobiography, yet more like a fictional look into someone’s true thoughts. “Letters to Nobody”

Please don’t really forget me.

He has hurt me more than any other friend has with his words. . .

And yet, I still have the capacity to love him dearly.

Sadly though, it is a love different than his. That alone condems my conscience to the depths of despair.

It’s a funny thing, communication. All sorts of drama come from the lack of, or misunderstandings involved with communication.

Let’s not create excuses or reasons though.

Those silly things are just as dangerous as time bombs.

It’s crazy to look back and see the way you were.

I mean, for me, major changes have happened in a matter of months. I look back to this summer and see myself slipping away. Now that I’m back on campus, it’s like my head is clear again. I realize who I’m supposed to be and I’m able to be it, without questioning others.

To my understanding, I am a social anomaly. I break societies rules and standards as often as I can. Mostly because my morals are different. I believe that nothing is impossible, but simply improbable. I refuse to group and categorize others. I love my life, my friends and my family more than the tallest piles of riches in the world.

I guess you could say I’m a serial sociopath. I know I could fit in, be normal. . . but I’d rather prove the impossible to be, well, improbable.

I’ve decided to dedicate this blog to the dream I had once; to be a reporter.

Journalism in it’s many forms has always intrigued me. I love the stories in newspapers, the photos in magazines, the elegance of a well written story being told. I did have a dream once, that I was a reporter. I had a side-bag, glasses with thick rims, a coffee in one hand, a pen in the other and a camera around my neck. Dreams are so silly though. . .

_{I don’t wear glasses.}

But here’s to that dream, of pages and pens. Maybe someday I’ll need glasses and get a side-bag.

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